It'll Be Ok... Maybe Not Today, But Someday.

Occasionally... juuust occasionally... we all are allowed a down day. A day where you just feel blah. One day to just not give a shit about anyone or anything. And then sometimes some people get stuck in that one day and it repeats itself. I have suffered depression and anxiety. I understand. I no longer take medication for it. I haven't for quite some time as a lot of my triggers were situational... and since I am no longer in those situations, the severity of my down days are barely noticeable sometimes.

Emotions are such a complicated thing, though, aren't they? I mean I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm nostalgic. I cry when I'm mad. I appear angry more than happy these days. There seems to be a lot of crying going on here.

So, as I said yesterday, I've been on staycation for a week and a half now. I've been sick. And now that I'm feeling better... I'm getting cabin fever and depressed. I need to get out of this house for human interaction with someone other than family.

The bff has asked me to go to a funeral this evening. That's not really the kind of interaction I had in mind, but it's the only offer I've gotten. So, I guess I will pick myself up by the boot straps (as my momma always told me) and get a shower to wash off the depression stink and get dressed. Not clean pajamas, not sweat pants, actually dressed as in jeans and a cute top.

How does one be cute? When I asked my bff this she threatened to smack the shit out of me. She thinks I'm beautiful regardless (which is why I love her)... but seriously... how? It seems like it's been so long since anyone, man or otherwise, has noticed me. I know it's not all about the looks, but haven't you ever noticed that if you think you look good, you feel good, i.e. it's a whole package kinda thing. And these days I don't feel cute or anything but fat and ugly. (Yes, I have a self esteem issue going on today.)

Ok, so I guess step one is to get up off my ass and get a shower. The bff dangled the carrot of Starbucks in front of me to persuade me to go. It's so wrong that she knows me so well. It's also wrong that I need to be bribed with legal stimulants to actually do something. Ack. *smack smack* Snap out of it woman! Ok, I'm off.